Love Harder Than You Coach

Count money, man.

Count money, man.

Stacked riches.

I'm trying to told him, I'm a beast, but...

For sub gang welcome back to another episode of The Grindcast.

Get ready.

It's a new day.

We're talking about loving, harder than you coach.

Loving the people that you coach, harder than you got to coach because you got to coach

them hard.

So, in order to win, you have to coach hard.

That's why not all the time.

You've got some really good people in our organization that have never played sports.

But a lot of times, I feel more than half, probably the majority of the time, a lot of the

people that do well at what we do, they played some form of a sport at some point.

And either way, whether you did or didn't in business, it becomes in the pursuit of excellence

and greatness and whatever it is.

Sometimes, you may not think of kickboxing as a business, but if that's your job, that's

your business.

You're just in that business.

So, in business, in order to win, you've got to compete.

We say win, because that's what it's all about.

In business, you're going to win.

You're going to lose, but you've got to win more than you lose, and that's how you become

successful.

So, if you're going to win, you've got to coach people hard.

Now, coaching them hard doesn't mean talking to them like a dog.

That's what I think sometimes people think that to coach them hard, you have to belittle

them, or you've got to yell at them, or whatever.

But really, what you need to do is focus on building the love in them first, building

the relationship with them first.

And that's why we're talking about loving them harder than it is that you're going to

even coach them that you're going to lead them.

Because to go to the highest levels, you're going to have to pull some things out of people

that most people can't pull out of them.

That's why they need a coach because they can't pull out of themselves what you should

be able to pull out of them.

Even if they could pull a lot out of themselves, you've got to be able to want to squeeze a little

bit more out of them.

And so the way to do it is the example is to put money in the bank account, put make

deposits into the bank account with the person, which is their love language.

So there's this book out called The Five Love Languages.

And it talks about all the different ways that people like to be loved, and everybody's

different.

Some people they spell love quality time.

Others are you getting them gifts.

Others is telling them how great that they are.

Words of affirmation.

Others is physical touch, high five, rub on the back, pat on the back, something like that.

Access service, doing something for them.

So you find out what the people that you're trying to lead, what do they appreciate the

most?

I like you to love on them and try to see if you can make as many deposits as you can

into those people's lives because then when you've got to make it withdrawal, you're not

bankrupt.

I think a lot of times what I see is that people are not loving as hard as their coach and

so they're bankrupt.

Meaning, I got a player.

I got a person that wants to go to X level.

So I got to coach them hard, but I'm not putting anything into the bank account.

And so after a couple of times I pull hard on them, the relationship is tough.

And we have issues and they're not receiving the coaching as much because I'm not making

enough deposits to cover that withdrawal.

No different than if I want to pull 10,000 out of the bank, we got to have 20,000 deposits

or 15,000 in deposits.

If I got 20,000 in the bank and I make a 19,000 deposit withdrawal is a big one.

I only got 1,000 left in credits.

So if I want to make another big pool out of that, I better put more stuff into it for

them.

And so oftentimes I think people think, well, they should just want it for themselves.

Why should I have to put them money in the bank because me to coach them hard, they're

trying to accomplish this on their own for themselves, for their family, shouldn't that

be enough.

I have to make all these deposits in love and time and all this stuff for these people.

Because that's the longer I'm a parent.

So my kids total in years over 20 years, but my oldest is 10.

But the longer I'm a parent, the more I see how much it resembles leadership.

It's just leadership.

So I can't just whoop them all the time.

I can't just yell at them all the time.

I got to find ways to teach them why.

I got to find quality time to spend with them.

So when I'm hard on them, it's just not always I'm hard on them.

So I think what will help with that is finding out how good people want to be.

So when you're coaching them, find out how good they want to be.

What are they trying to accomplish?

How big is whatever it is that they're trying to accomplish?

And they get an agreement after explaining to them, here's the price that it's going to

require.

Because it's the price that they got to pay that causes us to issues.

So man, I got this big dream in my mind.

Right, if you got kids you understand this, man, I want to accomplish this thing.

I want to have this goal.

I witnessed a conversation the other day with a parent talking to their child, it's a

daughter.

And she's like, I don't want to go to practice.

I don't want to do this stuff right now on a weekend.

I don't want to put in this time.

And the mom says, well, I just don't want you crying after saying you didn't do your

best and your upset and all this other stuff.

I don't want to be the one that has to watch you walk off the field, feeling bad, down,

crying, knowing that you could have did better because that hurts me and it hurts you.

This is the stuff that we got to do so you don't feel like that.

That's the truth.

Those are the conversations we got to have because what we got to do is find out how good

they want to be.

What are they trying to accomplish?

Then we got to explain to them the price.

And when it's time to pay the price, that's where there's usually the issues.

So that's why we got to see how good they want to be and get in agreement on here's

what it's going to require.

Are you cool with me holding you accountable to this?

See what happens is we make these agreements in comfort and then we want to pull out of

those agreements when we get uncomfortable.

Meaning yes, I do.

All right.

Okay.

Well, then that means Monday, Wednesday, Friday, we got to run sprints and I'm going to

time you around the track.

I'm going to hold a clock and I'm going to click it.

Boom.

And you got to run sprints and here's the amount of rest you get.

And then all of a sudden it's hot and you don't want to go.

And all of a sudden it's, it's, oh, I'd rather go out with my friends.

Why do I got to do this in the summer?

And now you don't want to do it.

But in the comfort when we sat back and we were relaxed and we talked about what you wanted

to accomplish, we came up with this game plan.

You said that's what I want to do.

And so it's having those agreement conversations proactively of like, look, you understand there's

going to be days where I'm going to have to push you to do some things you don't want

to do and I can't have you mad at me.

Because then we got to hold him when it comes to coach him hard.

That was the first part.

You got to love him more.

We got to coach him hard because you got to hold him accountable to that.

We got to push him.

You got to challenge him.

I think one of the issues that coaches have is that they don't know, they don't bring

the best out of their players that could be way better.

They got good players and they're like, man, I don't even want to bother them.

Like I just want to leave Malone because they're so good already.

So that's why they need you.

A lot of times you could squeeze a lot more out of them and make that good person become

great.

Once we figure out how great that they want to be and then look for opportunities to serve

these people and try to support them inside and outside of whatever it is that you're coaching.

So if they're running a fundraiser or something that are trying to raise money for something

like support them if you can.

If they have a birthday party or something like that, try to be on site if you can.

Look for opportunities to support them.

If they have a break up, they're sad about something.

Whatever it is, just be there for these people.

Try to support them and be there with them inside and outside of what it is that you're

coaching.

And again, that mirrors parenting.

And try to look for opportunities to do things that most people wouldn't do.

Have the four hours to that funeral service that's inconvenient.

Pick them up after they're all upset and broke up with their boyfriend or girlfriend

or whatever and take them out to eat or something.

Even if it's not convenient to you.

Just look for the things that nobody else would do and try to do those things.

And be honest.

Part of coaching them hard and loving them is the people that you love you got to be honest

with.

I think a part of it is being honest with people about where they're strong, where they're

lacking, but understand that for me to be honest with you, Maxwell says leadership is

disappointing people at a rate that they could stand.

So how much can you stand?

How real can I be with you without hurting your feelings?

Can I just be honest with you?

Constantly just hard and honest with you.

And I think a lot of that is being mindful with our delivery.

Just because you're honest with someone doesn't mean that you have to be so real rough with

your words.

Some people can take it.

Some people you can just shoot it to them straight and they can handle even if your delivery

isn't that good.

But it probably would be better for your relationship.

Even if those people are good at taking it, it would be better for your relationship

if you find a way to deliver it better.

And other people that can't take the way that you deliver it, it's going to help you

get more out of those people.

So just try your best to be mindful with your delivery.

It doesn't mean you're always going to get it right.

Sometimes you're going to crack and get all worked up and say something rough or whatever.

That's fine, but it can't be all the time.

So just try to, because what happens is the bigger your position is in their life, the

harder it hurts, the bigger the blow.

So the more they admire you, look up to you, the more those words mean that you say.

So just take your time and be mindful of the delivery of what it is that you're going

to say.

We got to get people thinking big as a coach.

We got to get people to believe in themselves, which means you got to build them up, build

them up, get them to believe in themselves, tell them why they should believe in themselves,

get them thinking bigger, get them looking at what other people are doing, what they're capable

of doing.

And then make them do the hard things that's going to get them there.

And the whole thing, the whole time, we're reminding them of the why when we're making

them do the hard things, we're reminding them of the why.

And I think lastly, what I want to mention is when you're coaching like hard, you got

to be enthusiastic.

Nobody wants to follow a lethargic leader that lacks energy.

That's not bringing some intensity.

And I really, I think that comes from having your heart all in it.

Don't be half-hearted.

You do people of this service that you're coaching when you're half-hearted.

Are you all in or not?

Because if you're all in, really as a coach, if you're not all in, you can't win because

you're going to be coaching against people that are all in.

You're not going to play to your potential.

And so you got to be all in.

People can feel that if you're half-hearted with your energy, with what you're doing, with

what you're pouring in.

And you got to be enthusiastic.

You got to be passionate.

You got to bring that passion.

It doesn't mean you got to be a certain personality or you got a yell or you got a scream

or if that ain't your thing, whatever it is.

But you could bring some level of enthusiasm and people could feel that you're all in.

So this week, let's take a look at trying to make deposits, if you're in leadership,

make deposits into the people that you're coaching.

Build them up, get them to think bigger.

But let's look for opportunities to put money in the bank, money in the bank, money

in the bank, but don't be afraid to be real and coach people hard as long as you're reminding

them of the why.

And as long as you're being mindful of your delivery, coaching the people hard is how

you're going to take them to the next level.

So we appreciate you guys.

As always, you could have spent time anywhere and you chose to spend that time with us.

So we appreciate you spending another day with us in the Grandcast studios here.

So get ready as a new day, share it with some people out there that you think we can impact.

I'll see you next week.

Let's get it.