Focus Over Feelings

Count money, man.

Count money, man.

Stacked riches.

I'm trying to told him I'm a beast, but...

What's up, gang?

Welcome back to another episode of The Grindcast.

Get ready.

It's a new day.

And we're going to talk about focus over your feelings.

Your focus over your feelings.

Shout out to Ms. Tiffany Danielle,

who messaged us on Instagram.

So shout out to you for having questions

and giving us something that we could do to add value

to your life and hopefully a bunch of other listeners.

So let's take these in steps.

So I would say to try to make non-emotional decisions,

which we've all done before.

So I'm not talking from some place on this high mountain

or high horse.

We're going to talk as an individual that's...

I'm going to naturally buy nature.

I was just talking to some of our up and coming salespeople.

Naturally buy nature.

I'm an emotional creature.

Coming up as a young person,

I was just always passionate, super passionate,

and emotional.

And I had a friend of mine say,

the good thing about being passionate

or being emotional is that once you learn how to control it,

the people that are emotional,

those are the ones that create emotion in others.

And the people that are the most passionate like that,

and they're the ones that can create that type of passion.

And in other people,

and then it becomes like a positive and a superpower

once you learn how to control it,

until then sometimes it can hurt you.

So this has come from a place of an imperfect person,

speaking off of lessons that I've learned,

and we're all still growing in this together, right?

So the first thing I would say is just like learn to pause

before reacting.

You ever hear the term to respond,

don't react.

You know, a lot of the times,

the tough decisions that we make,

the bad decisions that we make that we wish

that we could take back are the ones that,

the things that we say quickly,

the things that we do quickly in not allowing ourselves

to process everything,

and then go ahead and respond in the exact opposite.

We're not processing everything,

and we're just reacting.

And really it takes time to process your feelings

before making a decision.

So if you start making decisions quickly,

while your emotions are high,

I had some folks in our business,

you know, coined the phrase,

and I'm sure everything we do is stolen.

I don't know where they got this from,

but I've stolen it from them,

shout out to Britton and Maddie D,

is when emotions are high,

intelligence gets low, right?

So when emotions are high,

intelligence gets low,

and so we gotta just take time to not rush through

that decision while we're emotional,

because making a decision is where we need to use our brain,

we gotta think,

and they said intelligence is low

when you're emotional, right?

So second thing is, you know,

knowing that emotions are temporary,

reminding ourselves to not make decisions on impulse,

and try to set our feelings to the side,

because these emotions that we're having

is just a temporary emotion.

I think a lot of this stuff is just knowing by self,

getting to know, getting to know yourself.

You know, there was an old think of Chinese proverb

that I saw that said,

whether there's no enemy within,

the enemy out there could do us no harm.

You know, and so that's like,

if there's no enemy within you,

the people out there, the enemy's out there

could do us no harm.

And then I've learned over the years,

I used to think it was just about you as a person.

It's also about the people that you keep close to you

in your business or in your personal life,

if there's no enemy within the enemy out there,

could do us no harm.

And so just know,

when you're getting to just know yourself better,

I think self-awareness is like,

hey, I know how I am.

So I'm going to make a rule that I'm not going to snap back.

I'm not going to make emotional decisions.

I'm not going to make impulsive decisions.

The rule is I'm going to give it 24 hours.

Don't make a decision or say things on impulse

that are important.

You know, maybe give yourself 24 hours.

That one's been good for me as a leader even.

Because I know some people that haven't yet mastered this,

that we're talking about.

When I know they're emotional

and their intelligence is low,

instead of me responding to them right now,

I don't answer them.

I don't talk about it.

Give it a day, give it a couple of days

for their emotions to get down.

Because I'm an emotional creature myself

and that's part of me helping myself

and them at the same time.

Third thing is we got to think long term.

How will this decision

that you're about to make

make sense to you in a week

or make sense to you in a month

or make sense to you in one year?

Will your decision make sense in one week?

Will this decision,

will you be like, yeah, man,

I was a good decision a year from today

or five years from today

or a month from today,

starting to process your decision making that way on,

hey, how am I going to feel about this a month from today?

How am I going to feel about this a year from today?

Even in the hard decisions that you got to make.

Not necessarily bad decisions,

but the good decisions that you got to make.

Sometimes the good decisions that you need to make

are not the feel good decision

that you want to make right now.

Because it's easier to stay in this relationship

than to confront this ain't going nowhere.

A year from today,

I'm going to be worse off

and waste a whole year of my life

versus saying, hey, we need to part ways

on good terms right now.

That ain't easy.

It's easier to kick the can down the road

so those good decisions you need to make

sometimes are tough decisions

because you don't want to make them

because it makes everything difficult in the beginning.

It makes everything difficult for the next month

but it makes it a lot easier a year from today.

And then on the flip side,

you got the things that make it difficult

a year from today.

But they're easy for you to make right now

and they're not the best decision for you.

So I think really just looking at the long term

one year, five years, two years,

how's this going to play out?

How's this going to help me, you know,

over the course of that time?

And then using, you know,

the next one would be using logic and reason

that, you know, focus on the facts.

What are the facts right now?

And forget about your feelings.

Use logic.

What are the facts of this situation?

What are we talking about?

Let's not worry about how I'm feeling.

Let's not worry about your ego

or what it made you feel or good or bad

or positive or emotional

or I'm going to be just logically

what is the best decision that we can make.

Next one would be, you know,

thinking about seeking an outside perspective

of somebody that has wisdom,

you know, maybe consulting a mentor

or a trusted friend that has good advice

or good wisdom, a colleague,

you know, sometimes outside perspectives

might see something that you're overlooking.

And then just remember,

you know, there's always an exception to the rule, right?

I before E except after C.

There's always an exception to the rule.

Right, so the rule I would say is,

try not to get a ton of advice

from people that you wouldn't trade places with

in that area of their life.

However, there are times where you can learn from people,

you know, in that situation.

You know, let's say they blew it in one area

and they're teaching you how to not blow it, you know.

They wish their relationships were different

and they're trying to teach you.

And so that's an exception.

But I think for the majority of the time,

try to take advice from people in that area of life,

you know, people that got done well with their money,

maybe let's talk to them about money.

Let's not talk to people that don't got any.

People that have had success in their marriages.

Let's talk to them about advice versus the people,

versus the people that haven't.

You know, whatever it is seeking out those maybe most of the time

that are in a position that you would like to be in

in that area of your life.

But I think definitely getting advice from the right outside people

can help you make good decisions.

Next one.

I would say control the things that you can control.

You know, typically the things you can control is your effort.

You know, what you're going to do with your actions

and your attitude.

And I don't know if there's anything that's more of a waste of energy

that is stressful than when we try to get all upset

and we allow ourselves to get all upset over things

that are out of our control.

Control the things that you can control.

You know, think about how are your feelings impacting your attitude

right now?

What actions align with your goals that we were talking about

where you want to be five years from today, three years from today?

What actions are aligning with those goals

and control the things that you can control?

You know, another underrested next one.

I would say another underrested made it.

This is just breath breathing.

Breathing and reflecting, you know, under stressful situations

because you don't want to make these decisions when you're all worked up.

So how do I keep myself at a calm?

Getting in touch with your breath, whether it's breathing techniques, meditation.

But calmness typically, cooler heads prevail.

Calmness prevents regret.

Right? So let's breathe and let's reflect.

Next thing would be don't let fear drive you.

So when you're making these decisions,

a lot of times we make fear-based decisions.

And in fear-based decisions,

equal typically missed opportunities

or even unnecessary risks because you're scared.

So let's not let's make sure we're not being driven by fear.

Fear is natural.

Sometimes if it's used the right way, it can protect you.

But if you don't channel it, you'll miss a lot of opportunities out of fear

or you'll make stupid mistakes and take unnecessary risks out of fear.

Okay?

Next one is no, right?

We talked about know thyself, know your triggers.

Be self-aware of your patterns, behaviors, you know,

what makes you react a certain way.

And if there's a certain way that you don't want to react,

can you put some fail-safe things in there?

Because you got to know what triggers you.

And if we're talking about getting emotional,

what things trigger you?

What areas is it not having enough sleep?

Is it being around this type of person?

Is it what you're eating?

Is it not exercising?

What are the things that just, oh, they just tick you off.

They get you going.

And just try to be self-aware of some of those things that make you tick.

So you know when it's time to get out of that scenario.

Like some people, you know, you ever meet people that on alcohol.

You know, some people, they drink alcohol and they're fine.

Some people get happy and they're nice.

Some people, you ever see the people that drink alcohol and they turn into like,

an animal, like the incredible hawk, like what happened to you?

Like why are you acting like that?

Terry, you shirt off and frigging, running down the street,

running through doors, you know what I mean?

Like what people that they just get wow on alcohol.

It just does different things to different people.

So you got to know that is alcohol one of your triggers?

Are you fighting saying, nah, that ain't that ain't it.

That ain't it.

But you look at the last five bad decisions you made or bad arguments.

You've been in and four out of five of them had alcohol with it.

You know, just know what, what are your triggers and try to be aware of those.

And that, that sometimes helps.

Next one would be stay true to your values.

You know, kind of just, hey man, I place a high value on this.

This, this is the way these are the values of my life.

And then let those values and principles guide you.

And always asking yourself, does that decision align with what it is that I value?

That let that be like your North Star.

Next one would be embracing discomfort.

You know, growth and making tough decisions, they're going to make you uncomfortable.

And growth comes from typically patients, not impulsive reactions.

So if you want to grow, we got to stop having impulsive reactions.

And we got to get into this patient state to where we're patient with things.

And we breathe and we think and we,

that's where the growth is at.

But that's uncomfortable, especially if you're an emotional person.

It's like my first tendency is to react, right?

So another one would be, you know, seek when you're making these decisions

and when you're getting better emotionally to make progress and not put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect.

Like progress over perfection, you may not be perfect at it in the beginning.

But it's a small, you know, thought out rational steps that are going to lead you to, you know,

the long term success that you want to have.

And the last one that I'll mention would be just mastering your mindset, you know, the EQ.

Your emotional control is a skill that strengthens with more reps.

You know, call, you know, you ever hear the term it takes a bigger man to walk.

away. You know, it's easy to get yourself all worked up and start arguing and start fighting and

and all that stuff. But to have emotional control is real strength. That that is a skill

over time that you'll be thankful that you that you taught and learned yourself because

with practice and reps at it you can get good at it and everything starts with your mind and

your thoughts, right? Because you know, those actions end up having a certain reaction

and you're in your quick reaction, you know, typically comes with the habits

that you create and the habits that you create come from those actions but the actions really

start, they come from a thought. What are you thinking? So we got a master or mindset of

of let me breathe, let me calm down when I'm all worked up. Let me make rational decisions. Let

me try to get control of myself emotionally and you'll continue to strengthen that muscle and

be proud of the wisdom that you operate with and the maturity that you operate and flow with

as you keep on working and progressing, you know, at this. So shout out to everybody on the grind

and still working on stuff and reminder hey, we're willing to do messages or break down certain

things on this podcast if there's a way that we can help you in your life. Let us know, shoot us

a message, let us know we'll try to tailor fit something for you and see how we can fulfill

our mission because our mission is just how can we add value and make an impact in people's lives

that choose to invest, you know, the last 17 minutes with us. So we're grateful for that. As always,

we appreciate you joining us on another episode of the grind cask get ready us a new day.