Don’t Be Soft

Count money, man.

Money, man.

Stacked riches.

I'm trying to told him I'm a beast, but what's up gang?

Welcome back to another episode of The Grindcast.

Get ready.

It's a new day.

We're going to be talking about not being soft today.

People are alluding to the fact that it's a new thing.

2022, people are softer now than ever before.

I think we don't have to look too far back in history to understand that a lot of our

four fathers and people that were here 80 years ago, 100 years ago, were a little bit tougher

than some of the people just in the environment that we're currently raised in right now.

Things were just a little bit tougher and being raised in environments that are tougher

as Americans, you tend to probably end up a little bit tougher yourself.

Even when you look at the game of football, went from leather helmets to you could barely

touch a person when they're running.

There's a lot of different analogies that you'll see in life.

It's just showed how over time, in general, it seems like things have taken a turn for

a little bit just being softer.

It doesn't mean every individual, every area.

I still know a bunch of super tough people that would have ran through people 100 years

ago.

There's dogs out there, but just in general, to go to where you want to go, you got to

make sure that you're checking the box that says, I'm not being soft.

I think more people, they think of soft or someone not being soft as mentally tough is not

the same as being physically strong.

Physical and mental is two different things.

Physically over time, I don't care how good you stay in shape.

You're going to be different at 60 than you are at 20 physically.

50 you're going to be different than you are at 25 physically.

But mentally, you should be able to be more developed and stronger because your mind

can continuously grow and get stronger, but the body over time will fail you.

Where I want to encourage people to get stronger is in their mind over their biceps.

While I have nothing wrong with the biceps and other areas of physically growing them all

about it, but your mind has to be able to grow at the same pace that your body is

growing.

I see that as an issue with some people that have a lot of quick success in professional

sports that their mind hasn't developed at the rate that their skill set for their body

has developed.

That will happen a lot where you'll see people crash and business that way.

I think your job is to find the right coach, a coach that you know cares about people

in general.

Do you know the coach cares?

After that, it's up to you now.

Well really it's all up to you because if you don't like where you're at, then do something

about it.

You're not a slave.

And so if you don't like the leader, at some point you've got to look back and say,

who's the real problem if I haven't liked the last four or five leaders sometimes.

But you know, I think what I'm getting at is you can't be soft and go to where you're

trying to go right now.

You got to be able to take some hard coaching and most people can't take hard coaching.

So that's why I said like once you realize the person cares about you, don't worry about

the delivery because the delivery is not always going to be great.

It's not always easy to swallow the truth.

And sometimes I watch so many people pass up on being able to grow and gain knowledge

because they can't handle the delivery of the information or the person says it a little

bit tough and they're not able to handle the delivery of it.

And really, I want us to start moving in the direction of having the right perspective.

So help you would not be in soft is looking at how many people got it worse or how things

could be worse is such a huge tool to me personally.

Finding areas of life that you can remind yourself that it's easier for you than it is

on them.

Keeps things in perspective.

So for example, man, you're sad.

You're not going to get to see your family for a week because you got to travel and you

got to go hard at doing something.

Well, is it worse than somebody that has to go overseas that's in the military that may

not ever see their family but they're probably not going to see them for nine months straight

or someone that's been to prison for five years, trying to find ways of pushing yourself

of, oh, man, I had to wake up early and work really hard the last few days and I'll have

to get up so early today and it's 5.30.

I got to get up for six.

I got to get up.

Think about Navy SEALs that go through training where they're not allowed to get more than

a one or two hours of sleep for a week straight and they're about to get drowned in 40 degree

water and sit out there and freeze locked arms or carry something in the dark where there's

just bugs and snakes and carrying logs and all kinds of stuff like that.

Like is that harder or is what you're doing harder?

People were playing football with leather helmets, MMA started out no weight classes and

like minimal rules and no gloves.

So is it harder now or was it harder when it first started?

It's putting things in perspective for yourself when things are going hard because you have

to be able to get rid of the poor me's.

You're going to be going down a week road mentally when you haven't learned how to get rid

of the poor me's and we all got it in us where we start feeling bad for ourselves or

how we got it so bad and how we should feel so bad for ourselves.

And the antidote to that is to be grateful and to put things in perspective.

And so put things in perspective to other people that have it worse and then flip around

and look at what do you have to be grateful for?

And then looking at a lot of times what will cause people mentally to get discouraged

is they're not as far along as they want to be or they look at somebody else that has

the car that they want or the marriage that they want or the body that they want or the

vacation that they want or the position that they want.

They look at someone that has something that they want that they don't look at what

the person gave up to get there in the process.

And so they get discouraged by not looking at the person's process and all the stuff

that sucked in the process.

You're looking at someone's chapter 10 when you're on chapter 1.

Like have you ever watched a movie where the end of the movie is great?

He's kissing and hugging.

Everybody's happy.

The scene ends with people walking on the beach into the sunset laughing and smiling and

dog with him.

But in the middle of the movie, all hell broke loose.

Shit was hitting the fan.

The dog almost died.

Kids were lost.

Husband and wife were fighting.

If you just fast forward the movie and look at the end of the movie and everybody's happy,

you would have missed the whole part of the movie where there was all this turmoil going

on.

And so it would be easy to look at that end of the scene of the movie and say, I want that.

But you don't get that without this.

And so people miss the struggle and they see the shine.

And they allow the shine of others to discourage them because they wish they were further along,

not understanding that all the people that you see shine and it's either fake or they

had to go through the mud in order to get there in order to make it happen.

So you see the person making a million dollars of fight in your broke.

After an amateur fighter asking people for sponsorships right now for a couple thousand

dollars just to train in the survive.

And you're looking at somebody make a million dollars on the fight.

But have you considered those people had to do the exact same thing?

They had if you start to listen to a lot of people's stories, a lot of them didn't have

a car at all or had to walk or had to ride a bike or had a crappy car or had to beg people

for this or had to beg people for that.

Or could barely afford to live.

And then you see that one moment and you think it must be nice.

Or you look at somebody celebrating 10 years of marriage and their holding hands kissing

and you're thinking, oh man, I wish my relationship was like that.

But you didn't see those people fight, argue, not get along for a month, contemplate quitting

on each other and find a way to come back together, bring it better, get tighter, get closer

through that process and continuously work on it, falling in love.

You didn't see them when they were falling out.

You only saw them when they were falling in.

And so it'll help you to not be soft in the process when you start to look at everybody

that you're looking up to or that you think has some form of thing going on in their life

that's ahead of you and you consider the process in the price that was paid and understand

how close that you are because you're not that far away.

The only distance, the only differences, the distance and the price in the process that

you're willing to pay consistently because you got to outwork everybody.

You can't expect these hardcore results by putting in soft core effort.

There's no way to hide.

At some time you're going to pay the price.

So when you see people skip parts of the process and they get ahead a little bit quicker,

a little bit further but they kind of smooth, slick their way around, they got a price

that's coming.

They just didn't have to pay it when you were paying it.

But they're going to pay.

And to me the price is always cheaper if you just pay it up front than it ends up costing

you more money down the road.

And so if you're in the process of building something special, of doing something special,

you got to expect for there to be trials.

You're going to want to quit.

You know, I've been reading, we've just been reading almost a book a month together as a

leadership group and team and we just got done breaking down the book, winning Tim

Grover, Jordan and Kobe's trainer.

And he was talking about winning takes you going through hell.

And if you don't fight your way out of hell, then you stay there forever.

And so really the common denominator that everybody got to understand is that we're all

going through hell.

Some of us may be in different parts of the journey through hell, but really life is all

about adversity to live is to suffer.

You're going to go through stuff.

I think I remember seeing something somewhere that said, you're either going towards an

adversity, something's about to happen.

You're in the middle of an adversity currently or you just got out of one.

You're coming out of it.

The one thing is for sure is that shit's just revolving around adversity.

We're either something's coming.

I ain't speaking negative on you, but if we're 40 and we're going to live to 100, there's

probably going to be some adversity in the next 60 years that we can expect to happen.

So it's coming.

Diversity ain't going nowhere.

The only thing you can control because sometimes the adversity that we bring is on us.

Because the adversity we bring is not on us.

Wasn't our fault.

All you can handle is what, how you're going to respond to the adversity.

And I think if you learn how to handle your response to adversity, you'll learn how much

control that you got over your life because you don't have control over adversity.

The shit's going to happen.

But when you start to control the way that you respond and think about that adversity,

now you got an opportunity to start to...

things around you because all the people that want success, they look at the people with success

and think that they didn't have to go through adversity to get there. That's what they think.

They got lucky. And most of the time that ain't the case, is they went through adversity and they

didn't quit. And the way to help yourself not quit is you have to expect trials. I was joking

and recently me and my wife Nat celebrated eight years. We were at a Boston Red Sox baseball game.

We're not Red Sox fans. We just went for the history of Femmeway Park. And a guy got engaged right

in front of us. And me and Nat start giggling because I'm under my breath. I said,

better strap it up, big fella. Hope you know what the hell you're getting yourself into over there.

Big dog. He was like easy 300 pounds, probably 400. And that's like, shout out starts laughing.

We're both laughing. But I'm looking at her like you know I ain't lying. We're celebrating

today. It's a ball right now, eight year anniversary. But you know this ain't been easy. You can see

how people tap out for sure. And so that man has to have realistic expectations, expecting trials to

come. And although I wish no adversity upon any couple, you really know, you really don't know

what you got until you start going through adversity. I've seen couples that would be on a magazine

with the high school sweetheart, just unbelievable, divorced down the road. And so you got to expect

there to be trials in whatever you're aiming for. What just expect them? Just be ready.

Because when you have an opportunity to separate is when those trials come because your brothers

and sisters, your teammates are the people that you're chasing on this journey. They're all going

to go through some form of adversity. And the time that you can separate yourself is not in the time

where everything is great. Everybody can perform when everything's great. Suns shining outside.

You're getting along with your family. You got momentum. Everything's good. Got a big fat paycheck.

That ain't where we separate. We separate when adversity comes. Now how do you handle it? You had

a death in the family. It took me 24 hours to recover and get focused. It took you 24 days. It took

somebody else 24 months. It may sound cold, but your mental toughness in these adverse situations

that come your way that you have no control over is how you start to separate yourself over the long run

because you're not going to be able to win without tasting some urge to quit. The majority,

not all, but the majority of people that are around me, that are millionaires that are having success,

all can look back on a moment where they thought about quitting somewhere in their journey. So the

difference between the people that I'm looking at that have the ultimate success and the people that

don't is all the people that are having crazy success. They didn't quit. You understand that you

cannot quit your way to the top right, but there's people out there that every time things get hard,

they quit. Things get hard in a relationship they quit. Things get hard at work they quit. Things get

hard physically and they quit. They just quit as soon as shit gets hard, but understand at the highest

levels you can't win without tasting some urge on that journey to quit. Everybody has tasted the

urge to quit, but the ones that win don't. And so I just want to encourage us out there to get a

little bit tougher today and to ask ourselves, have we been soft? Are we making excuses

as to why we're not getting up when we said we want to get up in the morning? What time are you

getting up in the morning? What time do you want to get up in the morning? And are you making excuses

for yourself? Be it soft. Are you trying to recruit right now and attract and talent in your act

and like it's up to somebody else out there? There's some recruiting God that has a spell on you

and you're doing everything right, but you're not getting the fair result that you deserve. You're

lion to yourself. You're being soft. You're skipping doing the hard things. There's something

something that's in that process you don't feel like doing that you're not doing because you're

being soft that's stopping you from getting hard results. Let's keep it real. Physically,

if you're training, if your body building, if you're a fighter, ask yourself, have you been pushing

yourself to the limit, to the level that you know you're capable of being pushed to? Are you making

excuses that you're tired and not going to training? Everybody's tired or you don't want to make the

long drive. Nobody wants to make them. Are you expecting to have these high levels of success

without making high levels of sacrifice because if you are, you got to shake that shit off right

now because you're being soft. In what areas you could be soft by, it takes a super strong person

to not argue in a relationship when you are giving the material to argue and you choose to walk away

and not argue that takes a hard person, not a soft person because everything in you wants to argue.

It takes a real dog with some real discipline to shut up and so I just want you to move forward

in this upcoming week and ask yourself, where have I been soft? Giving myself too much leeway,

allowing myself to make excuses. Is it spiritually? Is it mentally? Is it physically? Is it the

words that I'm choosing? Is it relationally in your relationships? Where are you being soft?

And usually that is feeling bad for yourself, making excuses, not being grateful

and feeling like you're the only one that has to go through what you're going through. Nobody else

has to go through it and you got to think about all the other people that pay the price,

all the other people that have had to go through worse, all the other people that currently got it

worse and remind yourself that if it was easy everybody would be doing it.

Are you on a journey right now that the vision of it 5, 10, 20 years from today is big and special?

Because if you're on a journey that 5, 10, 20 years from today you can picture it and it's big and special.

Understand that there's going to be big devils in the way. There's going to be obstacles in the way.

Everybody would have it. Everybody got those same dreams, not everybody got the same grind.

The difference between making a dream a reality is the grind in how you handle setbacks in

situations that aren't the best and remind yourself when you're going through hard times or hard

moments that this is where everybody feels this way. I'm going to win this battle. This is where

everybody thinks about quitting. I'm going to win this battle and remind yourself that you're not

alone. You didn't ask for easy. You didn't ask for greatness and you know greatness usually is going

to require you to not be soft for sure. Keep on pushing. Keep on grinding. If this helps anybody,

please share this message. We ain't making money on it. The only thing we're asking people to do

is can we impact more people? Can you help us with the mission of impacting more people out there

and just share it with people that haven't been hit to the grind cast or that may need to hear this

message that we might be able to impact. Just go ahead and forward that. Don't be afraid to comment,

like, subscribe, all that fun stuff also. Don't be soft. Thanks for joining us on another episode

of the grind cast. Get ready. It's a new day.